Archive for January, 2009

If you’re anything like me, you can’t think of Neil Patrick Harris without hearing the theme song to “Doogie Howser, M.D.”running through your head. However, Harris has recently moved on to bigger and better things with his portrayal of smooth-talking New Yorker Barney Stinson on CBS’s comedy “How I Met Your Mother.” This show revolves around the lives and loves of five young adults trying to make their way in the Big Apple.

Barney, who provides much of the comic relief on the show, cultivates an air of mystery in all aspects of his life. He is always perfectly groomed, rarely seen wearing anything other than a suit and tie, even for casual occasions. His womanizing ways are legendary, but he is careful never to get attached. He has an African-American brother and claims that his father is Bob Barker. And the list goes on!

Financially speaking, Barney is a complete question mark. Although he currently works for a company called Goliath National Bank, his exact occupation is unknown. However, he lives in a gorgeous, enormous apartment in the heart of New York City, wears designer suits daily and never hesitates to hail a cab or buy a drink for a beautiful lady. Where does the money come from?

Barney’s sleek bachelor pad would cost him at least $2,000 a month anywhere in NYC, but probably closer to $5,000 in a hip neighborhood, maybe more. The condo alone would eat up most of a (hypothetical) $100K salary, and incidentals like food, clothing and transportation are extra. Designer suits start at $1,500 and only go up from there? Dating in New York is expensive too, especially if you’re trying to impress - spending $300 on dinner for two is easy to do here - and since Barney has a different date every night, those restaraunt charges add up fast.

Depending on his position at the bank, Barney could be pulling in a pretty sweet salary. However, money doesn’t go as far in New York as it does in other areas of the country, and credit card debt is as common as yellow cabs and tourists. But Barney’s finances are hidden behind his carefully crafted enigmatic persona. We are led to believe that, unlike many 20- and 30-somethings in New York, Barney doesn’t need to depend on credit cards to stay afloat.

Lindsay Woodland

Supporting your younger brother and his teenage son can be an expensive proposition, especially when your own spending habits run to the absurd. Charlie Harper, the older brother played by Charlie Sheen on “Two and a Half Men,” manages to pull it off, though.

A successful jingle writer and children’s musician, Charlie enjoys a two-story home on the beach in Malibu, a Mercedes in the garage, a surly full-time housekeeper, an expensive - albeit casual - wardrobe, the finest liquor and cigars, and a steady stream of female companions. On top of all that, he supports his brother Alan, a down-market chiropractor, and Alan’s son Jake, a dim-witted teen with a healthy appetite.

Charlie’s income comes from the sales of his enormously popular children’s album and live performances as Charlie Waffles. Additionally, he receives royalties from his earlier jingles, most notably the Maple Loops song. Since he was a moderately recognized recording artist prior to becoming Charlie Waffles, he was probably able to negotiate a royalty rate of around 15 percent on album sales, or roughly $1.79 per CD, which means he made almost $2 million when the Charlie Waffles album went platinum.

It’s a good thing, too. The average home price in Malibu as of December 2008 was a whopping $1,930,206! Even if he put 20 percent down on a 30-year fixed mortgage, his monthly house payment is still over $10,000 before taxes and insurance. His housekeeper, Berta, keeps the place clean and his bowling shirts pressed, but she doesn’t come cheap either. The average salary for a housekeeper in Malibu is $37,000 per year, or just over $3,000 a month. Luckily, her acerbic wit and wisdom are included at no additional charge.

His Mercedes easily ran him $85,000, and his signature bowling shirts sell for $44 apiece. He spends much of his time at the track and frequently returns empty-handed. He is a notorious barfly and prides himself on being the No. 1 bachelor in Malibu. With the average drink price in Los Angeles being 5 percent higher than that of even New York City, going out five nights a week gets expensive quickly. He’s not drinking the cheap stuff, either. He once quipped, “I’ve got two grand in my pocket that’s itchin’ to turn into twelve bucks and a hangover.”

The stunning beauties he often manages to attract are fond of the expensive gifts he lavishes on them and don’t seem to mind his frat-boy antics. Though his brother Alan attempts to be a voice of reason in his life, it is usually to no avail. Besides, Alan is pretty stingy, hoarding what little money he manages to keep from his ex-wife Judith and is more than happy to have Charlie cover the bulk of the expenses.

With all of his frivolous and irresponsible spending habits, Charlie never seems to use credit cards. He is clearly credit-worthy and has plenty of assets. But you never see him break out the plastic. The show implies that he is successful enough to pay cash for everything, from cars to booze to female companionship.

Charlie is a very funny character and provides a glimpse into the life most guys would love to have if they were rich and single. With all the daily aggravations he encounters, Charlie’s signature sense of humor manages to pull him through (with a little help from alcohol). At the rate he spends money, though, he’d better get to work on the next Charlie Waffles album soon!

Dave Guilford